and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.

Today, I lost a very dear friend.We shared so many precious memories, both good, bad, and downright ugly and loved each other just the same. He was the type of person that could make you laugh through tears. He loved me through my awkward stages in high school, triumphed in my good times, cried with me in my bad times, offered a shoulder to cry on, and a shoe to throw at anyone who crossed me. Life got in the way and we drifted. He will always hold a huge part in my heart. Derik understood me when nobody else possibly could. He was like a brother to me. A diva-ish brother, if you will.
As I sit here, memories flood into my head. The times we cut loose, times when we would talk for hours on end about issues in our lives, the novel we planned on writing together poking fun at our wreck of a family, the housewarming party we threw when we moved in together (he was my first roommate).
It's all so surreal. The thought of him simply not being alive is unfathomable. One thing I can't shake is "Why, Derik? Why?". If I could turn back the hands of time I would drive at any hour just to be by his side and to hug him. He'll never know that. He'll never know that I credit him for the person I am today. How he helped me get on my feet. How he was one of the few people who loved me for who I was completely and adored my quirks. How I thought about him frequently but didn't want to bore him with my "suburban life". He'll never know how many people cared for him. How any of us would have dropped everything and ran to his side to keep him from taking his life.
Derik, my dear friend, you will be missed immensely. I love you. Thank you for all of the wonderful memories and dreams we shared together. Rest in peace.

If they can do it...why can't WE?!

Mono-logue

I mean really?! I thought it was a thing of the past...much like small pox. To my un-delight, I was very wrong and at the age of 25 no less!

Ya know the funny thing? I've been on two long distance vacations while I've been sick and had no idea. It explains soooooo much now! The downfall? I probably pro-longed the illness. Ugh!

After two months of this I forget what it feels like to be "normal" (whatever that is ).

Blessed be the day that I wake up after a full nights sleep and actually feel rested and ready to start the day. A day when I have energy and don't break into cold sweats by simply getting ready to go somewhere and walk upstairs and not feel winded.

..Until that day I'll just make one big joke out of this and chuckle.
God really has an amazing sense of humor. My life's ongoing theme: Irony.

Psalm 37:7
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him

It's a way of life.. "HOOAH"

U.S. Army Wife Creed

I am the wife of an American Soldier. I am a supporter of the United States Army - an encouragement for the protectors of the greatest nation on earth.

Because I am proud of my husband and the uniform that he wears, I will always act in ways creditable to him, the military service and the nation he is sworn to gaurd.I am proud of my husband.

I will do all that I can to protect and provide for my family in his absence. I will be loyal to myhusband and to the vows that we made as we entered the covenant of marriage.I will do my full part to carry on the values and goals we have set apart for our family and I will continue to instruct our children in the same manner.

As a soldier's wife, I realize that I play a vital role in my husband's decision to become a member of a time-honored profession - that I am doing my share to keep alive the principles of freedom for which my country stands.

No matter what situation I am in, I will never do anything, for pleasure, profit, or personal safety, which will disgrace my husband, his uniform or our country.

I will use every means I have to encourage my husband to be the best soldier that he can be.I am proud of my husband, my country and its flag.I will fly the flag and will always remember the sacrafices made by my husband and by generations of men and women that have served our beloved country.

I will try to make my husband proud of the manner in which I accept his decision to defend my freedom andthe freedom of all American citizens -for I am the wife of an American soldier.

Wordless Wednesday

My Only Constant....

Everything changes. Everything.

That simple statement used to scare me to no end. I hated change. I grew up in a small town, went to school with the same group of kids (give or take a few). and everyone knew each other's business. I had a routine. Something stable.

Then came a few traumatic events. My parents split up as I was getting ready for my freshmen year of college. Best friends bid ado and left Hilliard in search of something better. Others got married and had babies. Me? I worked, went to school, and didn't have time for a relationship. I felt so isolated and alone. So much change to take in from high school days. I didn't know what to do with myself. Those college years were by far my toughest. At times I felt like I was at my wits end. Were was my security blanket, ole faithful Stability? There was none to be had. Not even a little bit. I didn't have anything tangible I could hold onto. I didn't have God.

As my 23rd birthday neared, I knew God was calling me back....talking me down from the ledge. All those time I found comfort in downing drinks or "Liquid Courage" and partying gave me temporary happiness. My life had become nothing but vanity and left me feeling like a porcelain doll. Easy on the eyes, yet so hollow and empty inside. So much time trying to fill the void and find something solid and God was waiting to take me in his arms. His love was all I ever needed. God is the definition of stability. From that point on, change rolled off of my back with such ease.

Recently, I've lost a few friends due to moving. I suppose you could call them "Fair weather friends". One of which I bonded to as my first true sister in Christ. The old Genn would be devastated wondering "What did I do wrong? Why don't they care?" God's taught me that people will be placed in my life....maybe for the rest of my life...maybe just for a small while. He needs them there to help fulfill his will for our lives. It's like a very finely weaved intricate web. I don't know why they drifted out of my life. However, it's not really for me to know and I'm okay with that.

I believe he was preparing me to be accustomed to change. I married into the military life. Rapid change is the only constant. I don't know where we'll be living in the next few years...but again....I don't need to. Jake always says "If it's not in our hands it must be in God's."

Now, I embrace change with open arms. Amazing what a few years and submitting to God's will can do.

God is all we need.

Psalm 62:6

He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

Just another Manic ( Job Search-a-thon) Monday.

Today I embarked on a journey to market myself for every employer to see. To my astonishment...time really flies when you're busy boasting about why an organization should hire you. At one point, before ML, I had a problem writing resumes and such. I hated looking like one proud peacock all perched up with plumage that said "Look at me....you want meeeee!" Well....I still hate doing that...however, I've become quite good at it too.

Resume writing, references, cover letters....it's all really an art form. You poetically schmooze your way into corporate America's heart with words like "Motivated....Team Player...Hard working". It's a dance....you have to balance good, outstanding and solid attributes then play it up with "pretty" words.

Sometimes I wish it were still a more simple time. Where newspapers advertise job openings and you go to the location to hand in a resume or fill out an application. Face to face time is what more employers should need and want! Everything now is so mechanic... in the age of .com there are so many scams in submitting your resume. You don't know which sites are legit....or postings on a site. Don't get me wrong...I look like one heck of an employee on my resume. However, I just feel as though it would be to every one's best interest to see the face behind the writing.

Well, at the end of the day I finished profiles on two more major job sites and applied to so many positions it's too much to even keep track of. Just like everyone else who's job searching. Oh the age of isolation....the Internet could be one of the greatest triumphs in technology and yet man's biggest downfall. It keeps everyone more connected, in fact, in this case TOO many people connected.