Sunday, March 7, 2010

and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.

Today, I lost a very dear friend.We shared so many precious memories, both good, bad, and downright ugly and loved each other just the same. He was the type of person that could make you laugh through tears. He loved me through my awkward stages in high school, triumphed in my good times, cried with me in my bad times, offered a shoulder to cry on, and a shoe to throw at anyone who crossed me. Life got in the way and we drifted. He will always hold a huge part in my heart. Derik understood me when nobody else possibly could. He was like a brother to me. A diva-ish brother, if you will.
As I sit here, memories flood into my head. The times we cut loose, times when we would talk for hours on end about issues in our lives, the novel we planned on writing together poking fun at our wreck of a family, the housewarming party we threw when we moved in together (he was my first roommate).
It's all so surreal. The thought of him simply not being alive is unfathomable. One thing I can't shake is "Why, Derik? Why?". If I could turn back the hands of time I would drive at any hour just to be by his side and to hug him. He'll never know that. He'll never know that I credit him for the person I am today. How he helped me get on my feet. How he was one of the few people who loved me for who I was completely and adored my quirks. How I thought about him frequently but didn't want to bore him with my "suburban life". He'll never know how many people cared for him. How any of us would have dropped everything and ran to his side to keep him from taking his life.
Derik, my dear friend, you will be missed immensely. I love you. Thank you for all of the wonderful memories and dreams we shared together. Rest in peace.